Alternate Universe
by RadicalSinger
Summary: Discover what the people in Full Metal Alchemist would be like if their personilaty was the oppisote of what they really are. Al is womanizer, Riza is a whore, Scar is...I won't give it all away. If you don't have a sence of humor, then don't read. Flames
1. Default Chapter

All right, those two crazy chicks, RP and SOD here, are bringing to you our first collab. We got together one day, and decided. We were bored. In fact we were EXTEMELY bored, so…. We bring you a good old fashion collaboration fanfic.

Disclaimer- neither RP nor SOD nor ACDC owns FMA… and if we did (especially ACDC) lets just say… things would not be normal. This is just a prologue… the real funny stuff happens in the first chapter!

is when the authors change to write

Alternate Universe

A collab by Radical Phantom and Singer of Death

Ed sat awkwardly on his knees, anticipating his next encounter with the gate. Expecting vast amounts of knowledge to pour into his head as it had before. Al sat in a chair beside his brother… feeling awkward and stupid at how ridiculous he looked in a wooden chair that was practically crumbling under his weight. He looked eagerly at his brother.

"So… you think going back to the gate will give you clues on how to bring my body back?" he asked hopefully,

Ed turned away from his giant transmutation circle to look at his "younger" brother.

"I know it will, last time I went, it gave me clues on how to attach your soul. This time it's gonna teach me how to change you back." He put a metal hand to his head, "I don't see how I didn't realize it before! The gate has the answers to everything! It's at least worth a try!"

Outside in the falling rain, a familiar tan man with white hair let the water beat down on his scarred face. He watched the brothers from a window. The first thing he saw was the giant transmutation circle.

_Sinner's… betrayers of the ways of god. They make me sick. _

Despite his obvious hatred for alchemists, the curious Ishbalan decided to have a look anyway. He crouched under the bottom windowpane to shield himself from the rain and to keep himself out of sight, looking curiously up to see what they were doing. He wanted to know. Hey, even "messengers of god" gotta get their kicks, right?

The humonculis are walking to Central to find Ed to make him make the god damn philosopher stone to make them human again. "Aw, why can't I eat him? I can at least eat the armor guy, right?" Gluttony said.

"You can eat them after we let them change us," Lust said. "Good, I'm hungry." Everyone sweat drops. They walk to Central and look in the window.

"There they are," Lust says.

"Hey, look, there's a giant transmutation circle. I wonder what those weird little boys are up to. Lets take a look Lust," Sloth said.

"All right, fine. We'll go," she said. They go to a window of the room. They look around to see what they're trying to do when they hear Ed talk about the gate.

"This is interesting. I guess we can kill them after we see the little show," Lust says.

Roy Mustang posed dramatically in front of his mirror in his flaming boxers.

"Oh yeah! You're one sexy Colonel you are!" he gloated,

He held up his right hand and used it as a puppet.

"Oh Colonel! How _do _you do it?" he… er... his 'puppet' said in a fake women's voice.

Riza hastily opened the door to Roy's apartment, without looking she stepped inside.

"Colonel, the Elric brothers are-" she paused at the sudden realization that Colonel Mustang was in front of his mirror in his boxers… talking with his hand. After a few moments of awkward pausing, Riza cleared her throat, "Colonel, the Elric brothers have built a giant transmutation circle in their room. I'm afraid that they might be attempting some sort of human alchemy… I'm worried Colonel."

Roy posed a few more times in front of his mirror.

"Do whatever you think you should do then… I'm… busy."

Hughes was in the cafeteria, making sure everybody there had seen all 31 pictures of his family at least 10 times each, today.

"Don't you just think Alicia is the cutest thing you've ever seen? I mean look at her with those cute little pigtails and that cute little dress I bought for her. She wanted it so badly I just couldn't resist with her adorable little face of hers. Don't you think it's lovely? It cost $45 but it was worth it for my little Alicia," Hughes said to Fury.

"Ah…Hey! I heard that Ed and Al are making a giant transmutation circle. You want to go see it?" Fury said, hoping to get out of the rambling, obsessed Hughes grip.

"Oh, that sounds like a great idea! Let's go!" Hughes exclaimed, "And on the way I can show you some more pictures of Alicia. Oh! Did you see this one yet? We were at the park and Alicia was playing with a dog when some mean people came and scolded her for pulling it's ears. I mean, she's just a little kid. So, I went over to them and…"

"You ready Al?" Ed asked, getting his white gloves one.

To be honest he wasn't. He wanted anything but to do this. He didn't want Ed to lose any more limbs. Al looked at the eager expression on his brother's face and couldn't refuse. He nodded solemnly. Ed brought his hands down to touch the circle, by this time pretty much everyone and their grandma had heard about the Elrics' building a giant transmutation circle. A brilliant red light surrounded Ed. A large… almost crystal ball-like object appeared out of the floor.

Something was wrong.

"What the-? This isn't the right gate!" Ed stated, "This is-"

"A window to another dimension." A deep voice said, as a man with dark hair and flaming boxers walked into the room. Everyone who had gathered to see Ed's transmutation circle (even the Grandmas) saluted, confused at the Colonel's odd attire but respected him nonetheless. (In fact, the grandmas respected him more if ya know what I mean.) "This might be fun… did anyone bring popcorn?"

They watched as the crystal ball-like object began to transform and change color.

All right that was just a prologue… the rest we hope will be funnier.

BEHOLD EXTREME OOCNESS! YOU'LL LAUGH! YOU'LL CRY! YOU'LL SHAKE YOU'RE HEADS SADLY!


	2. Key

We thought this might help you. Since we have different terms for certain things.

Key

Annoyance- (alchemy) The ultimate science.

Labish- (Ishbal) A pure consumer country, they love nothing more then to get the hottest clothes… buy the latest magazines, and work to achieve the perfect mall. They met their down fall when an employee at one of the clothes factories fell asleep and accidentally hit the "blow-up-half-the-factories-in-Labish" button, this will come to me known as the Labish massacre. Now the survivors wander the world, building malls and continuing their way of life.

Junkuli- (Homunculi) 7 morons who were created with the use annoyance. (They were better off dead)

Labishalaa- (Ishbalaa) The god of Labish. He is a famous fashion designer… so famous in fact the people of Labish worship him as a god-like being.

The slightly in the middle headquarters- (central headquarters)- Where the state annoyers dwell.

Law of equivalent annoyance- (Law of Equivalent Exchange) _Humankind cannot gain anything without first annoying someone in return. To obtain, someone of equal value must be annoyed. That is Annoyance's first law of Equivalent annoyance. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only, truth._

State annoyers- (State Alchemists) People who use annoyance for the state.


	3. The Junkuli

Hi SOD here… I'd just like to say a thank you to all those people who reviewed to our prologue in those few seconds when we were away. Remember if you have no humor what so ever, DO NOT READ or if you hate OOC. Well, on with the story.

Alternate Universe- Full throttle Annoyance 

Nega-Lust sat down on her couch reading her poetry books. She wore a long red skirt and a purple turtleneck with a high ponytail. She smiled shyly behind her book. The noises of Nega-Gluttony throwing up in the bathroom echoed throughout the layer. Everyone was used to it, it was almost comforting because no one was talking.

"I love poetry… it's so… romantic." Nega-Lust giggled shyly

Nega-Envy jumped from his chair. He was wearing a white shirt with an upside down smiley face and colorful striped overalls.

"I LOVE poetry to! I especially liked the part with the lima beans and the car chase!" Nega-Envy shouted

They heard a knock at the door.

"Gluttony? Could you get that please?" Nega-Lust asked without looking up.

"Oh right! Sure ask you ask _me_! It's because you think I'm fat and you think if I walk to the door I'll lose weight RIGHT? RIGHT? Is _that _it?" He stuck his finger even farther down his throat.

Nega-Sloth ran almost at the speed of light to the door, she was wearing her mountain climbing gear. She opened the door. Nega-Wrath walked in wearing a schoolboy outfit.

"Oh _Mumsie!_" he spoke with an adorable British accent. "I just got the most delightful grade on my report card! And I even made a copy for YOU uncle Envy!" he handed Nega-Sloth and Nega-Envy and manilla envelope, "Oh and I know it's my birthday today but you don't have to get me anything! The only thing I need for my birthday is your love!"

"Aw, that's so sweet. I'm so happy my little munchkin is sooooooo nice," Nega-Envy said.

"That's great Wrath. Guess what I did today?" and without even waiting for them to ask, she said, "I went mountain climbing! Oh it was so much fun, I just love climbing stuff."

"Mountain? I LOVE mountains. Mountains are so big and full of trees and…" but Nega-Envy was cut off by Nega-Greed.

"That's so not cool man. How do you think the mountains feel? They have feelings to ya know," Nega-Greed said. Nega-Greed was wearing a white toga, meditating in the middle of the room. "And look at all the junk in here. Don't you know that less is better? The more you have the more poison your minds get."

"Why, hello Uncle Greed, I didn't see you come in the door. I'm terribly sorry I didn't say hello when you first got in. How terribly rude of me," Nega-Wrath said in his cute British accent.

"I don't use doors man. They're, like, sucking all the energy out of the room man. Don't you feel it? It's hideous," Nega-Greed said.

"Come on Greed, get off your lazy ass and climb a mountain with me. All you do is meditate. You need to get out more!" Nega-Sloth said, bouncing off the walls, literally.

"Didn't you hear me man? Climbing mountains is a sin. It's hurting the mountains," Nega-Greed said.

"Awww, come on. Get off your lazy ass and do something fun. You're so boring. You should exercise more," Nega-Sloth whined.

"Oh, so now you think I'm fat. That I need more exercise. Well, I'm trying the best I can! It's hard you know, to look my best. I know I'm ugly, but you don't have to say it!" Nega-Gluttony cried.

"Don't say that Uncle Gluttony, I think you're beautiful. I fact, I think you're the most beautiful man I ever seen," Nega-Wrath said, smiling, looking at the skinniest man he has EVER seen.

"Really?" Nega-Wrath nodded. "Awesome, I just need to keep this up and I'll be as skinny as you, Lust. Yah, you. I'm going to beat you! I'm going to become the skinniest person alive!" Nega-Gluttony screamed and ran away to throw-up some more.

Lust just looked down on the floor shyly and giggled. "He can be such a girl sometimes."

"Hello. I'm back," Nega-Pride said.

"Oh, hello Pride. I'm so glad to see you. You're the best Uncle ever," Nega-Wrath said as he ran to Nega-Pride and gave him a big hug.

"Aw, shucks. No I'm not. I'm just your average uncle," Nega-Pride said.

"Hello Pride! I'm so glad you're back! I missed to so much! Welcome back!" Nega-Envy shouted. "In fact, I miss the Elric brothers too. I haven't seen them in, like, forever. I…I just…I just want to bake them a batch of cookies."

"Oh, that's a great idea. I'm sure they'll just love it," Nega-Wrath said.

So, they each of them made cookies for the Elric brothers. Nega-Lust's was a flower. Nega-Envy's was a heart that had "I heart the Elric brothers" on it. Nega-Wrath's was in the shape of a perfect pink bunny, Nega-Pride's was just an average ordinary cookie, and Nega-Greed's was just a small cookie in the shape of a peace sign.

After they all finished, they left for the Elric brother's house.


End file.
